25 Aug 2016 @ 15:40:03 pm
Saddam Hussein was sitting in his office wondering whom to invade next when his telephone rang.
“Howzit Saddam!”, a broken English voice said. “This is Koos hier from the Doringboom Bar in Welkom, South Africa. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you boet!” “Well, Koos,” Saddam replied, “This is indeed important news! How big is your army?” “Right now,” said Koos, after a moment’s calculation, “there is myself, my cousin Jan, my next door neighbor Lang Hannes, and the entire pool team from the pub. That makes eight!” Saddam paused. “I must tell you, Koos, that I have one million men in my army waiting to move on my command.” “Bliksem!”, said Koos. “I’ll have to ring you back!” Sure enough, the next day, Koos called again. “Saddam, my china, the war is still on! We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment!” “And what equipment would that be, Koos?” Saddam asked. “Well, we have 4 Hilux double cabs, two kombies, a bulldozer, and Vet Gert’s John Deer. Saddam sighed. “I must tell you, Koos, that I have 16,000 tanks and 14,000 armored personnel carriers. Also, I’ve increased my army to 1-1/2 million since we last spoke.” “Liewe moer!” said Koos. “I’ll have to get back to you.” Sure enough, Koos rang again the next day. “Saddam, ou swaer, die war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne! We’ve modified Doepie’s ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four okes from the Virginia hengel klub have joined us as well!” Saddam was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. “I must tell you, Koos, that I have 10,000 bombers and 20,000 fighter planes. My military complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I’ve increased my army to TWO MILLION!” “Goeie donner !”, said Koos, “I’ll have to ring you back.” Sure enough, Koos called again the next day. “Jis, jis, jis Saddam! I am sorry to tell you that we have had to call off the war.” “I’m sorry to hear that,” said Saddam. “Why the sudden change of heart?” “Well,” said Koos, “we’ve all had a long chat over a couple of Klippies en Coke, and decided there’s no way we can feed two million prisoners.”