English & Afrikaans Forums
Total Topics: 21 415
Total Replies: 232 702
Total Views: 82 442 637
topics: 1 126
replies: 11 528
views: 4 807 267
Jokes and everything else that makes you laugh

Why I am sitting on the porch

replies: 13
views: 3366
01 Sep 2016 @ 10:22:20 am
Kanneman
Mars Member
96% Profile Strength
Posts: 1104
Joined: 04 Mar 2006
Experience: 54 years

On the first day, God created the dog and said, sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past.

For this I will give you a life span of twenty years. The dog said, "That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?" And God said that it was good.

On the second day, God created the monkey and said, "Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a twenty-year life span." The monkey said, "Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the dog did?" And God again said that it was good.

On the third day, God created the cow and said, "You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years." The cow said, "That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?" And God agreed it was good.

On the fourth day, God created humans and said, "Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you twenty years." But the human said, "Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?" "Okay," said God, "You asked for it."

So that is why for our first twenty years, we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. For the next forty years, we slave in the sun to support our family. For the next ten years, we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. And for the last ten years, we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.

Life has now been explained to you. There is no need to thank me for this valuable information. I'm doing it as a public service. If you are looking for me I will be on the front porch.

Don't confuse one's personality with one's attitude. One's personality is who you are. One's attitude depends on who the other person is. Therefore, be who you are and say how you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind.
👍
0
💔
0
😮
0
🙂
0
01 Sep 2016 @ 10:26:05 am
Big5Spotter
Mars Member
77% Profile Strength
Posts: 1013
Joined: 08 Oct 2014
Experience: 10 years
Thanks Kanneman good explanation
👍
0
💔
0
😮
0
🙂
0
01 Sep 2016 @ 10:31:20 am
It'l dodat
Uranus Member
96% Profile Strength
Posts: 3326
Joined: 12 May 2014
Experience: 61 years

Now I know why... Hehehehe

Slightly quicker downhill....
These days a teeny-tiny bit more slightly quicker....
👍
0
💔
0
😮
0
🙂
0
01 Sep 2016 @ 11:24:56 am
*****
Pluto Member
81% Profile Strength
Posts: 4705
Joined: 18 Apr 2011
Experience: 1 year

Welcome back Kanneman!   So, I am a monkey at the moment.laughing  Good one, now we can understand everyone better.

👍
0
💔
0
😮
0
🙂
0
01 Sep 2016 @ 13:43:44 pm
Nico
Mars Member
92% Profile Strength
Posts: 1053
Joined: 16 Jan 2010
Experience: 11 years

Excellent explanation. At the moment I am also in the Monkey side of life ...... oh dear!!

 

👍
0
💔
0
😮
0
🙂
0
01 Sep 2016 @ 14:44:15 pm
Chuck Norris
Alpha Centauri Member
100% Profile Strength
Posts: 8219
Joined: 13 Jan 2014
Experience: 37 years
Goed gestel,

As jy wil he jou drome moet waar word, moet jy eers wakker word.

Die jonge Fransmannetjie. (Parys - Frankryk)
👍
0
💔
0
😮
0
🙂
0
01 Sep 2016 @ 16:10:31 pm
Bostoe
Neptune Member
92% Profile Strength
Posts: 4456
Joined: 11 Dec 2013
Experience: 34 years
Ja goed gese die eish ek hoop nie ek gaan eendag sit en blaf vir ander he he
Haak daai wa kamp bly koning
👍
0
💔
0
😮
0
🙂
0
01 Sep 2016 @ 17:26:36 pm
OOM JEEP
Pluto Member
100% Profile Strength
Posts: 5639
Joined: 25 Aug 2015
Experience: 44 years
Welkom terug kanneman.
Ek het ook een van die gehoor maar in afrikaans, die laaste deel is jy gaan met jou karavaan etc etc etc.
Sal hom biki opsoek en plaas. Dis nogal baie prettig ve ons ou mense.
I love camping all year round
👍
0
💔
0
😮
0
🙂
0
01 Sep 2016 @ 17:34:29 pm
OOM JEEP
Pluto Member
100% Profile Strength
Posts: 5639
Joined: 25 Aug 2015
Experience: 44 years
Dit laat my dink aan die grappie van die pa-konyn wat na n rukkie weer terug gekom het by die konyn hok, hy kyk so verbaas rond na die swetterjoel klein konyntjies wat rond hardloop... Ma-konyn se,,, yes dear, lots have happened since you'been away.
I love camping all year round
👍
0
💔
0
😮
0
🙂
0
01 Sep 2016 @ 20:03:36 pm
neef Herman
Saturn Member
96% Profile Strength
Posts: 2558
Joined: 03 Mar 2014
Experience: 49 years
En waar was jy al die tyd Kanneman ?
Laat my dink aan n ander een.
Wel toe Moses van die berg afkom, en al die skares daar vergader is om die wet te ontvang, se hy vir hulle.
Kyk, ek het goed onderhandel, en ek kon dit " negotiate" tot net 10. Die skare het hom vreeslik toegejuig.
Toe begin hy dit uitlees, en met bietjie van n gebrom, stem hulle in soos hy aangaan.
By no 7 was dit totale pandemonium, van die destydtse Europese mense het besluit dat die een heeltemal te erg was, en trek hulle n streep daardeur. Vandag nog is hulle 7 so streep deur te sien.
Is die sewende wet die een wat, naaste se vrou, owerspel en die goete gaan?
👍
0
💔
0
😮
0
🙂
0
01 Sep 2016 @ 20:48:37 pm
*****
Pluto Member
81% Profile Strength
Posts: 4705
Joined: 18 Apr 2011
Experience: 1 year

Neef Herman!!   Dit is dan ons vrouens se gunsteling..........

Vir daai een moet  die manne in die Dogbox sit, newwermaaind die Porch.

👍
0
💔
0
😮
0
🙂
0
01 Sep 2016 @ 22:02:54 pm
Veldskoen
Platinum Member
88% Profile Strength
Posts: 336
Joined: 08 Apr 2015
Experience: 35 years
Welkom terug Kanneman. Het gewonder wat van jou geword het. Ek wou al gaan kyk het of jy nie dalk permanent by Imhoff staan nie.
Hou jou voete plat op die aarde
👍
0
💔
0
😮
0
🙂
0
02 Sep 2016 @ 07:44:47 am
Anonymous

Baie oulike een Kanneman, en welkom teruglaughing

👍
0
💔
0
😮
0
🙂
0
04 Sep 2016 @ 10:23:27 am
Campervan
Uranus Member
96% Profile Strength
Posts: 2736
Joined: 27 Oct 2013
Experience: 41 years
Very well explained.
On The Road Again
👍
0
💔
0
😮
0
🙂
0
Reply to Topic
Anonymous
Sign In Required