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Blond Jokes

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views: 3165
09 Jun 2013 @ 18:38:05 pm
Neill and MArg
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Being blond myself I thought I would share.

Seven Shades of  BLOND
 
1st Shade:
>
> A married couple was asleep when the telephone rang at two in the
> morning.
> The wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the  telephone, listened a
> moment, and said, "How should I know, that's 200  miles from here!" and
> hung up.
>
> The husband said, "Who  was that?"
>
> The wife said, "I don't know; some woman wanting to  know 'if the coast
> is clear'."
>
>
>
> 2nd Shade:
>
> Two blondes are walking down the  street. One notices a compact on the
> pavement and leans down to pick it  up. She opens it, looks in the
> mirror, and says, "Hmm, this person  looks familiar."
>
> She hands it to the second blonde.
>
> The second blonde looks in the mirror and says, "You dummy, it's me!"
>
>
>
> 3rd Shade:
>
> A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out
> and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she
> opens the door, she finds him in the arms of a  redhead. Well, the
> blonde is really angry.
>
> She opens her purse to take  out the gun, and as she does so, she is
> overcome with grief. She takes  the gun and puts it to her head.
>
> The boyfriend yells, "No,  honey, don't do it!"
>
> The blonde replies, "Shut up, you're  next!"
>
>
>
> 4th Shade:
>
> A blonde brags about her knowledge of American state capitals. She
> proudly says, "Go ahead; ask me, I know all of them."
>
>  A friend says, "OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin?"
>
> The  blonde replies, "Oh that's easy -- 'W'."
>
>
>
> 5th Shade:
>
> What did the blonde ask  her doctor when he told her she was pregnant?
>
> "Is it mine?"
>
>
>
> 6th Shade:
>
> A blonde had just totalled her car in a horrific accident.
>  Miraculously, she managed to pry herself from the wreckage without a scratch.  "Wow!"
> the trooper gasped. "Your car looks like an accordion that was
> trampled on by an elephant! Are you OK, ma'am?"
>
> "Why,  yes, officer, I'm just fine" the blonde chirped.
>
> "Well, how in  the world did this happen?" the officer asked as he
> surveyed the  wrecked car.
>
> "Officer, it was the strangest thing!" the blonde  began. "I was
> driving along this road, when from out of nowhere this  tree popped up
> in front of me, so I swerved to the right, and there was  another tree!
> I swerved to the left and there was another tree! I  swerved to the
> right and there was another tree! I swerved to the left  and there was...."
>
> "Uh, madam," the officer said, cutting her  off as he looked inside the
> car,  "There isn't a tree on this road  for 30 miles, that was your
> air-freshener swinging back and forth."
>
>
> 7th Shade:
>
>  Returning home from work, a blonde was astonished to see that she had
>  been robbed. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime.
>  The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the channels, and a K-9
>  unit patrolling nearby was the first  to respond. As the K-9 officer
> approached the house with his dog on a  leash, the blonde ran out  on
> the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, and then  sat
> down on the steps.
> Putting her face in her hands, she  moaned, "I come home to  find all
> my possessions stolen. I call  the police for help, and what do they do?
> They send me a BLIND  policeman!"

 Regards MArg

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09 Jun 2013 @ 19:35:24 pm
W J
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Lekker Marg

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10 Jun 2013 @ 08:26:42 am
Leon
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Good way to start a day, with some laughs.
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10 Jun 2013 @ 09:36:27 am
The RETIRED Boring Camper
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And then there was the blonde when after falling pregnant wanted to know how that happened!

Also

A blonde walked into a doctor's office with two burnt ears. The doctor asked her, "What happened to your ear?" The blonde replied, "I was ironing and the phone rang, so instead of picking up the phone, I picked up the iron and put it to my ear.
     Still not satisfied, the doctor asked, "Well, what happened to the other ear?"
     "The sucker called again!"

One day 2 blondes decided to drive to Disney Land. When they saw a sign that said 'Disney Land left' they turned around and went home.

Q. If a blonde and a brunette were falling off a building, who would hit the ground first?
A. The brunette because the blonde would stop to ask for directions.

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24 Oct 2017 @ 16:35:20 pm
Relaxed Camper
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Baas tel n pen langs die blond se lessenaar op en vra vir blond of dit haar pen is. Blond neem die pen en skryf paar woorde en sê: Ja..dis my pen. Baas vra: Hoe weet jy dit? Blond antwoord: Want dis mý handskrif!
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24 Oct 2017 @ 19:16:24 pm
Anonymous

Baas tel n pen langs die blond se lessenaar op en vra vir blond of dit haar pen is. Blond neem die pen en skryf paar woorde en sê: Ja..dis my pen. Baas vra: Hoe weet jy dit? Blond antwoord: Want dis mý handskrif!

Skerp Geert.😁😂

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24 Oct 2017 @ 21:35:20 pm
JohanMarais
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Two blondes walking down the street in Pretoria, argueing which is further, Durban or the moon.
Hallow, says the one blond, can you see Durban??
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